Saying “no” in words and actions is also a normal part of your son’s developmental stages as he ages. The “no” you hear now might be louder or seem a bit angrier, but pushing the boundaries is as normal with your now-older son as it was when he first was toddling about.

Maybe you are thinking that your son is pushing too many limits, reveling in his rebelling. What do you do? I suggest you give him the freedom he needs to discover his personality, intervening into life-threatening behavior. Otherwise, take a parent-as-coach approach with your son as he sails through some tough waters.

Here are a few things to keep in mind with your rebellious son:

1. Choose your battles.

I write about this frequently, but sometimes parents need a reminder. In your own mind, know what the real and absolute limits are for your son’s behavior. If everything he does is wrong, soon he will know that you have no idea what are your true boundaries for him. Learn to pass on the trivial things. Hair length, clothing and music choices are among the items that you should pass on. His tastes will change as he grows older. In his own good time, he will most likely abandon things that are really foolish.

Be aware, too, that your sons go through hormonal swings and changes just as your daughters do. Adjusting to his new hormone levels and how they effect his mind and body will lead to erratic behavior. It is part of growing up.

2. Interfere with life-threatening activities.

Keep a close eye on his activities and get involved when know he is engaged in life-threatening behavior. Shoplifting, prescription-drug abuse, carrying genuine weapons and improper use of an automobile are a few of the areas where you will need to intervene. You might be screamed at when you step into a critical situation. Remember that yelling alone cannot hurt you and his biology makes him ready for a shouting match up if you give him one. A good rule about arguing is to remember that the louder your son becomes, the lower your vocal volume should go.

3. Is his behavior a veiled attempt to communicate?

In a boy whose brain is still forming, who does not yet have the verbal skills of an adult, rebellious behavior may be a cover for another need. Is that annoyed, defiant boy in front of you using anger or lethargy to cover for his pain? Ask him if you any suspicions. Has a love interest spurned him? Are his friends mistreating him? Is he struggling with a physical issue such as acne, headaches, depression or physical developmental delay? Ask the questions and wait for the answer, which may take days. If he knows you are open to non-judgmental discussion, he will most likely come around. Keep the door open and be sure he knows you are ready to listen and help.

If you have honestly and patiently tried to speak to your son and he will not communicate with you, help him find a strong mentor who can listen without judgment. A good mentor will alert you when an issue needs your attention.

4. Don’t be concerned about the opinion of others.

As a parent, you need to do what is right for your children in your particular situation and circumstances. While you might seek the counsel of your own trusted mentors, the opinions of your extended family, in-laws, friends and church leaders really are not important. Do not sacrifice the mental health of your son by responding to what “they” think.

Likewise, if your son has moved from simple rebellion (that is, it just makes you uncomfortable) to life-threatening behavior, seek out professional help. Any simple article on the Internet (including this one) should substitute for professional or medical assistance.

You are not alone in your frustration with your son. Parents throughout history have struggled with the fun and frustration of raising a boy. Do not take his rebellion personally but consider this part of his life as a discovery journey.

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Sean Buvala has worked with hundreds of families in in non-profit organizations and offers fatherhood programs througout the United States and Canada. He is also the author of the book, “DaddyTeller,” where he teaches parents to better bond with their kids and pass on family values via storytelling. There are plenty of free training videos at the http://www.daddyteller.com website. Photo courtesy of Fotolia.com

Text messaging is the new “normal” communication mode for teens. Much like parent perplexities with teens and telephones back in the 1950′s and 60′s, parents raising a boy sometimes struggle with new technologies. With new brain cells and new thinking patterns emerging, teens will use whatever communication tools available to them in order to take their fresh brains for a test drive.

Can texting cross the line into addiction? How can you recognize addictive texting behavior in your boy?

1. Does he seem to obsess over his cellphone? Does he seem to have a physical need to have his phone with him? Do you spot negative behavior changes when his phone is missing?

2. Does he send more text messages each month than the month before? As a parent, you can monitor this through your paper bill or online account.

3. Does he seem unaffected by any correction or punishment you give him in regards to phone usage?

If you suspect your son may have an addiction to texting, here are a few steps you can take.

1. Model the behavior you want.
How do you use your cell phone or texting device? There is a reason they call these gadgets “crackberries.” Are you able to step away from your technological connections and take breaks as needed? If you are addicted to your own technology, then you, too, need to seek out help. Preaching moderation to your son is useless if your behavior demonstrates your compulsive use of technology.

2. State your concerns.
Remembering that research shows texting is now a normal communication choice for teens, be sure your son knows that you perceive his use to be excessive and that you are concerned. Find informal moments to ask him about his text use. When you see him texting, casually ask him who he’s talking to and why. So that he knows that you understand, talk about any issues you or a family member may have had in breaking free of an obsession in the past.

3. Take the blame.
Your son may be willing to text less but feels that his friends may mock him or tease him about limiting his cell phone use. For some teens, turning off their cell phones is unthinkable. If your son is willing to throttle down his phone use, give him permission to blame you for the reduction. Give him the words to say to his friends, “Oh, my Mom thinks I use the phone too much, so she makes me turn it off after 9 at night.”

4. Be the parent.
Few teens pay for their own cell-phone bills. You have the ability as parent to turn off the service to the cell phone if you have real concerns. Negotiate future behaviors with your son before you reinstate the service. Create a written behavior-contract that both of you sign.

If your teen or tween boy does not yet have a cell phone, think carefully before you give one to him. Not every teen has a cell phone and not every teen needs one. Assess your teen’s maturity level before automatically providing a cell phone for him.

Remember, addiction is not a moral failing. Like most things on the Internet, single articles such as this should not be used to diagnose your teen. If you have a serious concern, then consult with your pediatrician or family therapist.

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The author, K. Sean Buvala, is the author of “DaddyTeller” wherein he teaches dads to be a better parents using storytelling with their children. He is the father of four kids, ranging from tween to young adult. Learn more about his book at http://www.daddyteller.com. Photo in this article courtesy of fotolia.com.

He also may be intimidated with his new schoolwork. In those middle grades, the more playful atmosphere of primary school has gone past and his brain is going “tween” on him. The discipline of study and school in the 4th-6th grade years may be one of his first real roadblocks, just as gravity was once a roadblock to his standing on his own two feet. This block makes it just too easy for him to let his mind meander- and it is your job to help that focus grow.

You are not helpless as a parent to fix some of these issues and a little effort on your part will bring some good results. As you had to learn to help him walk when he was a toddler, now you need to help him learn some new skills. Rather than view these school challenges from the perspective of something that is wrong, look at it as one of his next stages to go through.

Sure, you can try screaming at him. Maybe you have already taught him to respond to you only when you lose your cool. However, do you recall yelling at your son when he was not learning to walk “the right way?” Therefore, like learning to walk, learning to school is the same challenge. Focus on changing behavior, rewarding him for progress in this latest developmental stage. Work with your boy to create the ground rules, reward him when the rules are followed and correct when he veers off.

Your boy may not be interested in school under any circumstances. Conversations and concepts about rules may not work. In that case, focus on behavior and not his cognitive agreement to the greater good. You are the parent and you do have the keys to resolve this. Work with your son on choosing rewards for great school behavior as verified by his teacher or guidance counselor. While you can reward him with things, toys, money and so forth, try to dig a little deeper. He is your son. What makes him tick? Will an afternoon spent with you on a project, road trip or special meal be a better motivator? Be creative with this.

Do not be afraid to apply some incentives to help him stay focused. After all, you get an incentive to stay focused at work and “get good grades” in your profession. That incentive is called a “paycheck.” Getting paid for your work is not better or worse than rewarding your boy for good grades.

Think about your home environment. Are you providing a good place for him to do homework or school studies? Is education clearly a priority in your own home? Are you modeling reading and math use in your daily life? If he is really lost or struggling, does he need some temporary tutoring to help him learn study skills? By the way, tutors do not have to be from professional companies. Even a local high-school boy who does well in school can provide to your son some tips on studying while at the same time presenting a good role model.

Raising a boy requires you to look at all his development as part of his stages of growth. Success in school is also a stage for your son to master.

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The Anonymous Dad is a frequent contributor to the Raising a Boy site. He suggests this book to learn more about this subject: “That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week.” Find more book suggestions in our store. Photo from fotolia.com.

These are some truths about teenage boys:

They take work.

They’re not monsters to be caged. They remain in desperate need of the love of a parent.

They really don’t know why they do some things- it’s brain biology. He reacts as nature made him.

Choose your battles. Reward with attention and genuine interest frequently,

Ask questions and be silent long enough to get an answer (24 hours is not too long.)

You can do this, parent. Keep breathing. Raising a baby boy as an infant is more demanding than a teen boy.

Don’t remember the baby in replacement of enjoying the emerging man.

Don’t try to drug or herbal him into submissiveness without a strong medical need. Boys are boys and that’s okay. Seven to ten massive testosterone surges/injections a day would make you a bit unpredictable, too.

Speak slower. Listen faster.

Decide in tandem with him instead of at him.

Save the crisis mode for a real crisis happening. Every time you want to yell, speak even more quietly.

I think this is a the beginning of many more lists on raising a boy. What would you add to this list? Use the comments and tell us.

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The Anonymous Dad has worked with teenage families since 1985 in addition to having a family of his own with kids ranging from 11-20.

On another Mom-helping site, I saw a question posted on this issue. In general, the discussion was about, “Why would anyone let their sons have long hair?!”

Our thoughts in a nutshell: your boy’s hair is the least of your concerns. His sexuality is not determined or indicated by his hairstyle. For boys, hairstyle is either part of the many personalities he’ll try on or he’s just oblivious to it. Don’t worry.

If your son is in school, his hairstyle is probably right in line with what the peer group deems acceptable. Even when a boy does an AGM (attention-getting mechanism) such as wearing a Mohawk, dying his hair blue or shaving it all off, his hair will still fall within his peers’ acceptability range.

If he is into athletics, even as a little boy, his sport will help determine his haircut. For both practical and personality reasons, how he wears his hear will be either functional for activity or functional for personality.

It is also possible that your son really does not care about how long or short his hair is. He may never even really think about it.

Hairstyles come and go. As a parent, you need to choose your battles. Is hairstyle really a battle that you want to fight over? If you are worried about what the neighbors or grandparents are going to say, then you need to gently educate those people or smile politely and ignore them. As your son gets older, he will push the limit with at least one really dangerous AGM. Do you want to approach that must-stop-now demand with the same energy as when you complained about his hair?

You are raising a boy to be a good man as nature made him. Don’t fret about his hair. Raise your children to be free to discover their own path.

For more reading suggestions about raising boys, please see our special Amazon store.

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Sean Buvala is the director of raisingaboy.net with 25 years experience in developing family and youth projects. He is the author of “DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your Kids and Teach Them What’s Really Important by Telling them One Simple Story at a Time” which is available at Amazon.com . Photo for this article courtesy of fotolia.com

What do parents need to know about skateboarding? Here are three things to keep in mind.

1. Get a good board.
There are two things that a skateboarding beginner is going to wear out: shoes and boards.
He will wear through his shoes fast between outgrowing them and roughing them up. However, take heart- feet are one of the first things to grow on your boy and one of the first things that stops growing. As far as boards go, don’t go the cheapest route. Cheap boards that you buy in the local variety-goods store tend to break the fastest. Although some board breakage is going to occur, shoot for a good middle-brand of board to begin with. It’s worth a trip to the local skate shop to ask for a “blank” board. Yes, they are used to parents in the shops- don’t worry about going there.

2. Get the basic equipment.
A helmet is a must. Your kid might fight you like crazy, but remind him that his broken brains can’t get repaired. In some places, wearing a helmet is the law anyhow. There is a difference between bicycle and skateboard helmets. You can also get a helmet that is “dual certified” for both if your son needs it.

Usually, a helmet does not need to be replaced with every fall, but if it buckles or cracks, it might be time to replace it.

Other things to consider are elbow, wrist and hand guards. I especially think your son needs a cup (athletic protective shield worn by men) as well. He’ll fight you on that one if he’ll even talk about it at all. You can always refer him to our article over on this site that has some blunt “dude” talk about keeping his “boys” safe. You can usually get equipment in convenient sets for when you are ready to buy. It’s best to buy helmets and cups individually and not in sets.

Skate shoes are typically a shoe that he will only wear for skating. These can be affordable. Amazon has skate shoes for under $25.

(Editor’s Note: Single moms, if you don’t know the right way to buy or for your boy to wear a cup- ask his dad to step in if you can. If that is not an option, consult with one of your son’s sporting uncles. If that doesn’t work- there are many good videos and blogs online about the subject.)

Even with the right equipment, he is still going to fall. When he does that, he is going to get scars. For many skaters, these scars are like getting medals for battle. Don’t be surprised if he’s happy about scarring up his limbs with road rash while he’s learning to skateboard. It’s part of the skater culture.

3. Don’t take his attitude too seriously.
Speaking of culture, some parents worry about the “culture” of skateboarding. There are both polite and obnoxious people in any sport or group. It is just as easy for a boy to be a punk in the science club as it is at the skate park. Boys posture a lot, especially with each other. It’s normal for kids to try on different personalities. The “sk8r” might just be one of the personality masks he’s working on. Most skaters you will meet aren’t bad people. You have the right as a parent to demand respect in your own home. Outside of your direct reach, he is going to act the way he chooses. Be firm in your foundations of respect and courtesy at home and trust that he’ll rely on that foundation in the long run.

We hope these skateboarding tips for parents are helpful for you.

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Our guest poster, Hunter, is part of the team over at www.easyskateboardingtricks.com. He suggests this Ebook when your kid is ready to move on to skateboard tricks.

Filled with a blend of activities such as making secret codes and pocket flashlights the book also provides a trove of “stuff” boys growing into men should know. This information, presented in boy-friendly writing, ranges from phrases in Latin to “Books Every Boy Should Read.”

I was surprised by the expansiveness of material in the book. I thought it would be filled mostly with hands-on activities, but its collection of knowledge enhancers is rather impressive. Even if your boy is young and might not be ready for the more complicated information in the book, he’ll still keep it as a reference manual for future ideas and plans. In doing so, he’ll end up reading and absorbing the more intellectual entries as time passes.

For boys, knowledge is power and this book contributes to his power via great activities and bits of important information. It’s a book that he’ll consume slowly over time. We suggest that family members or anyone parenting boys buy the book for pre-teens and let it do its work. You’ll be pleased with the investment in your son, nephew or little brother.

1. Gather over food. Gather in small teams of just a few boys.

2. Use the “Sixty Second Law:” Ask your topic in 15 seconds and then wait for the answer for forty five seconds.

3. Make use of sideways discussions such as doing work side by side at a service project, in the passenger seat of a car or washing the dishes after a fundraiser.

4. Place anything in their hands and fingers. Our office is filled with gadgets, sports balls and magazines. Boys who are busy with their hands talk much easier, even if they don’t look you in the eyes constantly.

5. Go outdoors. More often than not, leaders do too many chats inside. Pick up a basketball and go outside the house. Get a stroll around the block. Go with the whole group.

6. Please don’t be afraid to ask emotional questions. But be prepared for the answer to take several sessions to get back to you. Be patient.

7. Don’t take “I don’t know” as the initial answer. Rephrase the subject in a fewer amount of words and phrases. If that doesn’t work, take a look at number six above.

8. Before doing discussion sessions, write out the inquiries on paper and let the boys read them before you begin the discussion.

9. Understand what fascinates the boys you train with and talk about them frequently: science, sporting events, new music, computer and others.

10. Discover how to use non face-to-face methods such as Email and Instant Messaging to build rapport and trust with boys ın between official proceedings.

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This article was written by Sean Buvala. Sean is the author of DaddyTeller where he teaches dads (and moms!) how to be better fathers (or moms!) with the skills of storytelling.

How to Raise a Boy?
The most important rule to remember is that your boy needs both male and female role models. As a single mom, you provide the female role model, responsible for your child’s well-being and education. But boys must have male examples, too, if they are to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem that will ensure their success as they reach adulthood. A strong male role model will help develop their strengths and talents, teach them about healthy competition and resilience, and help instill the confidence to help them meet the challenges of adulthood.

The most obvious solution for the single mom raising a boy is to provide him with as many loving male mentors as possible. If the boy’s father loves him and is available, make sure they have a chance to spend a generous amount of time together, even if your own relationship with his father is imperfect. If he isn’t there, find other role models from within the family, from your church or synagogue, and from your circle of friends.

Activities that involved participation with other males, such as sports, provide an easy and fun way to engage your boy with male mentors. In the absence of a father he needs to be exposed to other men so he can see and learn how they solve problems and react to life’s various situations. This is particularly as important as your boy approaches puberty, a time of considerable confusion and change. By the way, know that men also struggle with parenting boys. Gender alone is not a cure-all.

(Click here for a great books to give to your son about puberty..)

Maybe the most important thing for a single mom to remember in raising a boy is that he needs a lot of extra love. He needs from you the praise and encouragement he should be getting from his father. Affirmative phrases help teach him to love himself. Go to his sports events and include yourself in his activities as much as you can. Tell him things like, “You make me so proud!” “You’re going to be a big success one day!” These will help instill in your boy a sense of confidence and pride – feelings that can be put at risk in the absence of a caring father.

You can do this! It’s never easy for a single mom to raise a boy, but with enough male mentoring and a lot of love it can be done. Steven Spielberg was raised by a single mom, as were many other highly successful, happy men. Love and mentoring will be the keys to your success as a mom raising a boy without a father in the house.

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This guest post was provided by John- who loves to write and was once a boy himself.